Judge Reinhold (known in the Beltway as Reince Priebus), eager to see the GOP stand for something other than “Gassy Old Pachederms”, took time away from grooming the comb-over on Donald Trump’s crotch (the price Judge Reinhold had to pay for dragging The Don away from filming “Celebrity Apprentice” for CPAC – but he totally would’ve done it for free just to piss off LaToya Jackson , who refused), to ponder how old white guys might continue to dominate the earth before the meteor that is the 2016 election blasts them into oblivion.
Unfortunately, just like history’s dinosaurs, Judge Reinhold looked at that bright, fast-moving light in the sky, donned a sun hat (yes, dinosaurs had sun hats. If the GOP thinks dinosaurs existed only 7,000 years ago, then dammit, they had sun hats!), and wrote a report that he titled How to Train Your Meteor. History will recall it by it’s revised title, Impact Crater.
Monday, after enjoying “Fast Times at CPAC High” over the weekend, Judge Reinhold wrote a review, telling the GOP what Hollywood producers keep telling the cast of “Fast and Furious”: “the next one will be better if we just throw more money at it”. Included in the 219 suggestions, Reinhold says his posse should:
- Invest $10 million to begin a bottom-up outreach effort to minority communities, including hiring national political directors for Hispanic, Asian-Pacific and African American voters;
- Put a chief digital and technology officer in place, operating from a San Francisco satellite office to bolster relationships with developers and work on an open-data platform to encourage the sharing of information;
- Rework the presidential primary system to produce the party’s nominee earlier in the year, then nominate them at a convention in June or July rather than late August or September.
According to Judge Reinhold, the three things keeping the Republisaurus Party from taking over the White House are: recruit some token spokespeople; build a high-tech bubble for Republicans to keep recycling crap amongst themselves, and; give someone like Mitt Romney MORE time to show what a detached, racist plutocrat he is.
That fireball you see is not one of Willow Smith’s tween hits, it’s a big multicultred rock heading for the RNC’s Yucatan Headquarters.
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